I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
