Where is the hickey?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
