I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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