Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
