White coat. Heels.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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