i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
