some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
