yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
