Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
