it hurts more in the daytime
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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