I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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