yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize