There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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