last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
