and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
