Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
