i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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