Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize