Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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