And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
