i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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