What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
