So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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