3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
