I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize