At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is my gift to your gina
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
