Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
