Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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