We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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