i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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