yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize