Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
