Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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