not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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