she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
