I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
