I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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