We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's blow job season.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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