he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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