Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this just has baby written all over it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize