Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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