i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
