I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
