Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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