1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
