PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
