If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
