I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize