He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
