are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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