guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
