Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
