I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
