I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
