so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
