Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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