some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
