The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize