Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
