the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
