Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
