just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
