I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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