What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
