I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
