I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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