Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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