So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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